Friendship

My post today is about FRIENDS.  No, not the TV show!! Lately I've been thinking a LOT about what 'friends'/'friendship' mean to me.  You know how there are single people out there who just have a realllllly hard time finding 'the one' or difficulty figuring out what they want from a relationship?  Well that's ME when it comes to friends/friendship.  My dating/relationship life has always been super easy (I'm just either really lucky or truly blessed in this department).  But when it comes to friends/friendships, that's where I have a tough time.

I think about my 'history' of friendships to try to understand my current situation better.  When I was in Elementary School I was pretty much friends with anyone.  Never really had what people consider a 'best friend'.  Everyone was my friend and I was everyone's friend.  I think this had a lot to do with the fact that I had 3 siblings and I always had people to play with.  I never had to think about friendship or companionship at all. 

Then Middle School season came (grades 6-8) and I think this was totally taken back by the whole 'cliques', 'popularity', and 'cool' thing.  I NEVER understood it...still don't!!  I was NOT one of the popular kids and even though I had my little group of friends, they were just that.....friends at school.  I never cared to hang out with school friends after school and much preferred to just go home and be a big sister.  4 kids in one house = tons of fun all day, everyday so I was always entertained!  I got through Middle School being bullied a bit but I was lucky enough to have Mr. Jones (my gr.8 teacher) explain to me that this will NOT be my life forever.  He told me I'll grow up and life will be different and none of this 'popularity' crap will matter in the real world.  I thank God everyday for this man's wisdom.  

By the time High School rolled around my family was very involved at the local church and I had made my first real friend (she's still my BBF to this day!).  Friends at church was no different than friends at school for me.  We hung out AT church but not so much outside of church (although our parents often did pot-luck dinners together but I never felt like a part of the friendship circle that the other kids had).  I was fine having ONE best friend.  My BBF and I happen to go to the same high school (and we shared a locker ALL 4 years!) so again, I got by fine.  I also started dating in gr.10 so that took up most of my time.  

After High School I went to University for 4 years.  And true to my friendship style, I made friends with a group of girls. The library, campus pub and Boston Pizza were our hang out spots to study, chill, and watch hockey games.  I spent quite a bit of time with this group of girls.  But the day came when we all graduated and we all went our separate ways.  I'm only still friends with ONE of the girl from this group.  

Now that I'm in the working world I find myself again in the same cycle.  I'm VERY friendly with EVERYONE at work and sometimes we even have get-togethers outside of work (VERY rarely) but it's the same trend...we're friends AT work but not outside of work.  

I've had SO many friends come and go in my life that I think I've become somewhat jaded when it comes to 'friendship'.  It's not that I don't want friends.  I just can't seem to keep them.  I honestly think on my part that I do make an effort but always get shut down.  This is where I feel like the person who is searching for their soulmate...but can't seem to find them.  I can't seem to find the 'right' friends.  

Example: I once made plans with this girl to go over to her place so we can hang and I can play with her baby.  They were SET plans!  On my way to her place I stopped by at Starbucks to get a drink and figured that I'd call to see if she wanted anything too.  She told me she was out grocery shopping and wouldn't be home.  I never spoke to her again nor did she ever all me again.

Maybe it's because I'm more of a one-on-one person?  Maybe I just expect too much from friends?  I really have NO clue what it is I'm doing wrong or whether or not I'm just not 'friend material'. I feel like I've been left out on the curb too many times by people.  Do I care?  Sometimes. 


What's your advice on FRIENDSHIP???