Bridezilla Moment

I know this blog is about my journey into MOTHERHOOD but I just need to vent.  We got married July 11, 2009 and we STILL don't have our wedding album!!! We have 4 cd's of all our photos, so it's not like we have no photos.  But we haven't even SEEN a blueprint of our wedding album.  We've called/emailed back and forth every couple of months but everytime we get a 'we're working on it right now!' reply.  Seriously at this rate I'll be a MOM before I see my wedding album.


We've even asked for them to refund us the portion of the album and we can take our digital files and have an album made elsewhere.  But they insisted that it will be done so we are giving them another chance.  This we BEFORE Christmas.  It's almost APRIL now!!!!!!!


I'm looking into filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau...so if anyone has ever filed one please let me know how!


*deep breath*


K now back to looking at awesome baby photographers....I LOVE LOVE LOVE little crochet hats and accessories on babies!!

FYI, Etsy is THE place to get these cute photo props!!

I Am Charlotte

It's no surprise.  Ask anyone who knows me (they don't even have to know me THAT well) which SATC girl I am and they'll say hands down...Charlotte.  

If you've seen the first SATC movie you'll recognize the following...

"I have everything I ever wanted.  
I am so happy that I'm terrified.
Nobody gets everything that they want.
.....
Of course something bad
is gonna happen to me."

Lately I've been fearing the exact thing Charlotte feared when she was pregnant.  I really do love my life right now.  I honestly can say that I have everything I ever wanted.  I spent my entire teenage-hood and early 20's searching for 'a man of my very own' (Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner).  And lucky me I found him!  Trust me finding Ed did NOT come easy.  There were many many nights where I cried myself to sleep asking God to hurry up and also many many nights where I was very angry because really, what is a girl to do when her knight in shining armour just hasn't arrived yet? My relationship with God has also never been so awesome.  I'm at a place right now where I feel that I've never understood him more.  All those nights of crying and agony because my dream man hasn't entered my life yet only proved to me that God is real.  The pain I endured while waiting for my future husband to arrive only helped me appreciate what He was really doing within me; building trust and the ability to have faith.


So now I'm kind of at a new stage in my life.  Ed and I are ready and planning to have our first child and I'm so scared.  I'm scared that my next spiritual challenge is just around the corner and I'm scared that my future baby's the subject of that challenge.  I know I'm totally just being paranoid because God is a good god and He would never allow me to endure anything I can't handle.  And anything I'd have to endure is for the better of both His kingdom and my relationship with him. Trust and Faithfulness truly is the challenge of my life!!!
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Most of you know by now that I work with children with special needs.  I've worked with kids with all kinds of needs.  From Autism to Cerebral Palsy there are sooooo many things that a child can have.  I've seen families ripped apart because of special needs and marriages ruined.  I've cried with mothers that I've worked with but also watched in awe at how some can be supermoms!  I think one of my biggest fears is my child having special needs.  Again, I'm just going to have to trust God but I just can't imagine what life would be with that as a reality!!


I really do envy people who can just have faith and trust that everything will be ok.  I wish I could be someone who didn't worry about every little thing before they happened and I wish I didn't over analyses everything.


We'll just have to see where this journey leads me, both spiritually and maternally!!!!!!!!!

My relationship with Aunt Flo....

So right now it's Spring Break week so I don't have work all week!!! And guess who decides to come for a visit bright and early Monday morning??  Dearest Aunt Flo of course!! Normally she comes nice and quietly and doesn't really do anything to bother my routine but not this Monday!  I was sleeping in of course and at around 9:30am I was woken up by THE most excruciating pain in my uterus area I've ever felt.


I've had really bad cramps before when I was a teenager, before my doctor put me on birth control pills (bcp).  He decided it was a good idea because my periods were very irregular and sometimes they were only 2 weeks apart.  Oh and did I mention REALLY heavy????  I'm a really tiny person so of course he was worried about iron deficiency (which my mommy has) so on the pill I went at age 15.  I went off bcp's this past summer because Ed and I talked about trying the next year.  I decided I didn't want to pay for them anymore and that I'd let my body cleanse itself of them. But since then every month when Aunt Flo has come the pain has been getting worse and worse.


Back to Monday.....
The pain WOKE me up.  It lasted for a little over 30 mins.  About 5 mins into the pain I called my mom and my sister answered. It was so painful I was practically crying and screaming.  My 2 sisters and my mommy (who live an 8 mins drive away) came over right away with a hot water bag ready to take me to the ER.  Thankfully by the time they got here the pain had started to go away. I grabbed the hot water bag and threw it onto my belly and fell asleep for 2 hours.  I've never felt such pain.  It  wasn't throbbing....it lasted consistently until it started to go away.  I was totally sweating but completely freezing cold.  I'm personally surprised I didn't pass out.


Now it's Wednesday and Aunt Flo is still here, heavy and all.  I'm very uncomfortable and super tired.  I hope she leaves soon.  

The much dreaded appointment

I did it! I made my appointment for my first ever PAP SMEAR.  

I was a little relieved when they didn't have any available time for me until April because my doctor is on vacation.  So I have about 2.5 weeks before the much dreaded appointment.  

I've been asking around about how painful the check-up would be and I've gotten a variety of responses.  Some have told me that it's like nothing while others have said that it's super painful...but not as painful as giving birth.  I'm more worried about the pain really than the doctor actually finding anything.  I don't have any relatives with a history of any types of cancer in that region so I think my chances are really good considering I'm only 28 too.  


I'm going to as Ed to go in with me for the procedure.  Anyone really think that's a bad idea??  Speak now!!  I figure if Ed's going to be there for all the other appointments that I'll be having when we ARE pregnant, why not start now?  And if he's going to WATCH me give birth, he might as well get used to the whole me-spreading-my-legs-and-having-someone-probe-down-there routine.  Plus, I already told him that if any form of pain is involved....he's going to at least make himself physically present while I'm experiencing the pain!  =D


I also made a dental appointment because that's what the book I read, What To Expect Before You're Expecting, told me to do.  Apparently my oral health is important for the baby too!  I really need to get into the habit of brushing EVERY morning and night and FLOSSING my teeth during both brushes too.  Sometimes I'm lazy and I just rinse with Scope/Listerine in lieu of brushing =S


Another thing I needed to change but already got a head start is nixing caffeine and too much sugar.  I used to have at least 2 big cups of tea every morning with sugar LOADED in it.  Most people who see me adding sugar to my tea will say, 'Umm would you like some tea with that sugar Daisy?' HAHA  So I've stopped having tea in the morning altogether and thus the sugar intake has decreased a LOT. 


*sigh* I'm really starting to realize how much sacrificing I'm in for once I'm actually a mother.  I guess we do crazy things for the ones we love eh?! 

1 year mark...

I had dinner at my mom's tonight and it dawned on me that it's quite possible that within one year's time I could be expecting to give birth any moment.  If we start trying in June and actually get pregnant, the baby would be due probably in March.  So for the next few months I will get to think about what life would be like in one year.  I also realized that my Christmas this year could be very different.  I'd be about 6 months pregnant if we conceive in June! My 29th birthday (Jan, 19, 2012) would be celebrated with a baby bump and this coming Valentine's Day I'd have to find a sexy maternity dress for dinner!  So many changes coming up!!! Oh the possibilities!!!!!    

Pre-conception vitamins galore!

I went out to London Drugs after work today and picked up a bottle of Materna (along with eye cream and eye make-up remover)!  Just took my first pill along with my Folic Acid (I've been on this since summer).  I was reading the label for Materna and and pleased that I'll be getting more vitamins in me....baby or not!  I love how the pill is pink hehe.


After getting my beauty supplies and my new pills, I realized I had walked into the baby aisle.  I think I spent a whole 15 mins there looking at all the cool baby stuff.  There was a very small selection of baby clothes and tons of daily living things such as bottles, toys, bibs, diapers and utensils.  It was interesting because I found that a lot of the baby toys (chew toys and rattle type toys) were very similar to dog toys HAHA  Everything was so cute!  I was even tempted to buy a few things but held back because really when I DO get pregnant and have a baby I think almost everything will be bought for me HAHAHA  I started thinking about the big ticket items like the crib, bedroom sets (changing table, dressers and rocking chair), stroller and high chair.  I think half of those things will be bought for us by our parents and the rest....well I can start asking my friends for gift certificates to Toys R Us as my Christmas and Birthday gifts from now on HAHAHAHA  Anyways being in the baby aisle really got me excited.  I used to always go into kids clothing stores and check out the stuff they have there, especially during special holidays such as Christmas (the Christmas dresses are so cute!), Halloween (there were  a few times I was really tempted to stash some cute costumes away for the future) and Summertime (teeny tiny bikinis!).  It will be so fun and exciting to be able to buy things later on!


I never really thought much about MATERNITY clothes until last month when I was at H&M.  Right in the kids section, beside the cash desk there is a maternity line.  They had a few mannequins with pretty nice outfits on!  One that caught my eye was this red wrap dress that was so gorgeous.  The baby bump on the mannequin wasn't too big...probably 4-5 months along.  I wonder how big I'll get when I get pregnant!!!


Eeek so many things to be excited about!!!  

I'm totally singing this song to my baby one day....

Your little hands wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older, too
And don't lose the way that you dance around
In your PJs getting ready for school

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have
Is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even through to you want to
Please try to never grow up

Don't you ever grow up
(Never grow up)
Just never grow up


~Never Grow Up
Taylor Swift (Speak Now CD)~
To hear the song click HERE

What to Expect Before Expecting

So most mom-to-be's that I know read tons of books on the topic to prep themselves for all that's to come.  I started with this....

It was a really easy read!  I got to skip quite a bit because there was a whole chapter on 'losing weight' (I'm 90 pounds!) and the 'gaining weight' chapter...well it was more like a paragraph.  I also skipped the 'quit smoking' chapter which was pretty long.  It even had random boxes throughout the book that are meant for the dad-to-be to read...these boxes in greyscale.  I'll be getting Ed to read them all...and it's an even easier read for him! 

Well after reading this book I have made a list of things I need to do BEFORE I get pregnant:

-Pap smear....NOT looking forward to it...I've NEVER had one in my life!

-Dental check...apparently the health of your gums is important for your pregnancy!

-Start taking Materna....my doctor told me to get on Folic Acid when I stopped taking bcp last summer so I don't need to start that.

-Start charting my ovulation cycle.

-Start eating breakfast...I'm a breakfast skipper....so Quaker Oats here I come!

-Eat more veggies and fruits.

-Ease off alcohol (wine) and caffeine (tea).....I might as well weaning myself off these since I won't be able to have any when I'm pregnant.  I normally have at least 2 cups of tea a day and a glass of wine every night.  Morning and night caps no more!

So many things to do just to PREPARE for pregnancy!! At least I'll be prepared =D

My journey begins!!!

So here I am!!!!!!!!  This is the first entry of my blog documenting my road to motherhood!  I decided to start now because 3 months from now we will be officially trying (aka doing baby dances) to get pregnant!  

Some facts about me/us:

We (Edmund and I) got married on July 11, 2009 after dating for 2.5 years (engaged for 10 months)

We just bought our first house in August 2010

We expanded our family the day after we got possession of our house with Tobey our puppy (born June 23, 2010).  He's a pure bred Yorkshire Terrier. 

I work as an Educational Assistant working with kids with special needs and got a permanent continuing contract in October 2010 (this means I'm guaranteed a job every September and I'll never go on-call again unless I choose to!)

I'm really excited about this blog and even more about this new chapter in my life.  My goal for this blog is not only to preserve my journey but also to share all the ups and downs and in-betweens with anyone who is willing to read.  We haven't event started TRYING to make a baby yet and I've already experienced so many different emotions.  I can't even begin to fathom what this journey has in store for me and I really just love sharing my life. Those of you who know me well know that I'm an open book!!  

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So let's start with how we got to where we are now; the pre-pre-conception stage.  There were many factors that we had to think about.  Can we afford it? Are we ready mentally/emotionally? How many kids do we want altogether and how far apart do we plan on having them? Do we even WANT kids???!! Yes we've discussed in great detail each and every one of the above questions...and more of course but those were the big questions that we kind of struggled with.  Obviously the short answers to those questions are...yes we're ready...well, almost ready that is!  

We didn't just wake up one day and randomly decide to start a family.  Of course, the idea of having a baby had been on our minds since the day we got married.  I mean, how could it not when not a single day has gone by without someone asking us the question, 'So when are you having kids?'.  

We knew that we had to get our careers/incomes stabilized before we made any big commitments such as buying our own home and of course having a baby.  When we got married Ed was still an apprentice in his trade (2nd year out of 4) and I had only been working on-call with the school district for a year.  He wasn't making top dollars in his line of work and I was getting paid only whenever I got called into work.  We rented a basement suit and lived in it for a year and 3 months after we got married and this place only had 1 bedroom/1 bathroom.  There was NO way I was bringing a baby into the picture with the amount of living space we had!  

Next there's the issue of 'are we even ready mentally/emotionally?'.  We knew when we got married that we didn't want kids RIGHT away.  We wanted to enjoy being married and get some travelling done before we got 'tied down' with a baby.  Well we're ready than ever now but when we first got married all I wanted to do was go travel to a list of places and do this and that with my husband!  Our 2 year anniversary is this summer (July 2011) and so far we've gone to Hawaii (honeymoon), Las Vegas (spring break last year), California...yes ALL of Cali...Disneyland, San Diego, Universal Studios, LA, San Francisco and even Portland and Seattle on the way home cuz we road tripped, Victoria (mini weekend get-away over Christmas break 2010) and we are planning a trip up to Whistler sometime this summer.  In the 1.8 years we've been married I've never travelled so much in my life!!!!!  So definitely we had a travel bug to itch.  We basically went from getting our first jobs, to being engaged, to being married with tons of freedom and money.  We wanted time to enjoy this newfound freedom, parental AND financial!  We both lived at home with our parents/siblings until we got married and moved in together so there was some adjustment.  Honestly the transition was super easy but I think we both really had to learn time management and meal planning (something we have NOT mastered yet).  We just needed some time to grow/mature together because really we were still children (even though we were 26/27 years old!).  We were so spoiled by our parents and pampered we had to learn to stand on our own feet in a place we would call our own home. 

Once we had the financial and emotional/mental issues somewhat dealt with we then had to decide how many kids we wanted (and the timeline of their arrivals).  This quickly led to the question of whether or not we even wanted kids!!! We seriously LOVE our life right now!  We have a beautiful brand new house, money to spend and a puppy to love.  Life is BLISS!  We started talking about all the things we can do if we never had kids.  Thinking about it was like thinking about what I'd do if I won the lottery!  O the places we'd go!!!!!!!  But we quickly realized that although not having kids now (and probably in our 30's and 40's) would be awesome because we can do any and everything we wanted to, we'd totally regret it in our 50+'s when all our siblings' and friends' kids start graduating from high school and getting married and having kids.  We also had to take into account my dreadful internal clock (I turned 28 in January and Ed will be 29 in July) and my parents.  As much as I love my life right now and don't really want anything to change, I would much rather have my kids at a younger age rather than later on in life.  This is just a personal preference.  My parents have been insanely cute with Tobey ever since we got him (these are people who do NOT like the idea of pets).  Seeing them with Tobey makes me want to give them a grandchild.  My grandparents passed away when I was really young so I really want my parents to have as much time with my kids as possible and having kids sooner than later will help in this department. So, yes...we want kids for sure (silly us for even thinking we didn't!!!).  How many do we want?  We decided there's no point in thinking about that now.  We'll just see how we do with the first one!

So there you have it.  Simply put, we had to go through all those things to get to where we are today.  There were tons of moments of self doubt and fickleness but we've decided to start trying in mid-June because we want a SPRING 2012 BABY(please please please)!

We're T-minus 3 months until we officially start trying to make baby Go and I'm soooo excited!!!!