Friendship

My post today is about FRIENDS.  No, not the TV show!! Lately I've been thinking a LOT about what 'friends'/'friendship' mean to me.  You know how there are single people out there who just have a realllllly hard time finding 'the one' or difficulty figuring out what they want from a relationship?  Well that's ME when it comes to friends/friendship.  My dating/relationship life has always been super easy (I'm just either really lucky or truly blessed in this department).  But when it comes to friends/friendships, that's where I have a tough time.

I think about my 'history' of friendships to try to understand my current situation better.  When I was in Elementary School I was pretty much friends with anyone.  Never really had what people consider a 'best friend'.  Everyone was my friend and I was everyone's friend.  I think this had a lot to do with the fact that I had 3 siblings and I always had people to play with.  I never had to think about friendship or companionship at all. 

Then Middle School season came (grades 6-8) and I think this was totally taken back by the whole 'cliques', 'popularity', and 'cool' thing.  I NEVER understood it...still don't!!  I was NOT one of the popular kids and even though I had my little group of friends, they were just that.....friends at school.  I never cared to hang out with school friends after school and much preferred to just go home and be a big sister.  4 kids in one house = tons of fun all day, everyday so I was always entertained!  I got through Middle School being bullied a bit but I was lucky enough to have Mr. Jones (my gr.8 teacher) explain to me that this will NOT be my life forever.  He told me I'll grow up and life will be different and none of this 'popularity' crap will matter in the real world.  I thank God everyday for this man's wisdom.  

By the time High School rolled around my family was very involved at the local church and I had made my first real friend (she's still my BBF to this day!).  Friends at church was no different than friends at school for me.  We hung out AT church but not so much outside of church (although our parents often did pot-luck dinners together but I never felt like a part of the friendship circle that the other kids had).  I was fine having ONE best friend.  My BBF and I happen to go to the same high school (and we shared a locker ALL 4 years!) so again, I got by fine.  I also started dating in gr.10 so that took up most of my time.  

After High School I went to University for 4 years.  And true to my friendship style, I made friends with a group of girls. The library, campus pub and Boston Pizza were our hang out spots to study, chill, and watch hockey games.  I spent quite a bit of time with this group of girls.  But the day came when we all graduated and we all went our separate ways.  I'm only still friends with ONE of the girl from this group.  

Now that I'm in the working world I find myself again in the same cycle.  I'm VERY friendly with EVERYONE at work and sometimes we even have get-togethers outside of work (VERY rarely) but it's the same trend...we're friends AT work but not outside of work.  

I've had SO many friends come and go in my life that I think I've become somewhat jaded when it comes to 'friendship'.  It's not that I don't want friends.  I just can't seem to keep them.  I honestly think on my part that I do make an effort but always get shut down.  This is where I feel like the person who is searching for their soulmate...but can't seem to find them.  I can't seem to find the 'right' friends.  

Example: I once made plans with this girl to go over to her place so we can hang and I can play with her baby.  They were SET plans!  On my way to her place I stopped by at Starbucks to get a drink and figured that I'd call to see if she wanted anything too.  She told me she was out grocery shopping and wouldn't be home.  I never spoke to her again nor did she ever all me again.

Maybe it's because I'm more of a one-on-one person?  Maybe I just expect too much from friends?  I really have NO clue what it is I'm doing wrong or whether or not I'm just not 'friend material'. I feel like I've been left out on the curb too many times by people.  Do I care?  Sometimes. 


What's your advice on FRIENDSHIP???

More Upcoming Guest Bloggers!

I got another 2 guest bloggers coming up later this week!!!  

First is Laura! She blogs at...

You may recognize this blog because I was a guest blogger for Laura last month!!!  Can't wait to read her entry!!! She is the mother of a REALLLLY cute little boy and I love reading about her life as a Mommy.  

The second guest blogger this week will be Stacie!  She blogs at...

Stacie is a VERY good friend of mine and we actually met on HER blog.  I was a follower for a long time and she randomly added me on Facebook.  After realizing how many CRAZY things we had in common we instantly became good friends.  Stacie's baby making journey touches my heart so much and I really encourage everyone to read it because the topic of infertility is something that everyone is very UNDER educated in.

-----------------

Ed, Tobey and I will be having a family photoshoot this Sunday (weather permitting but I'm VERY hopeful for sun!). I'm realllly excited because this is our FIRST professional family photoshoot...of just the 3 of us!  Can't wait to have all those lovely photos all over my house!!!! I have WAYY too many empty frames sitting around the shelves and on walls right now!! Can't wait to share them all!!!  

We're also going to be spending Canada Day long weekend (first weekend of July) in WHISTLER!!!  Yes, Tobey is coming too! The hotel is completely pet friendly (most hotels in Whistler are apparently!!) and I can't wait for our first family vacation...even though it's just a small one!  School will be out in 2.5 weeks!!!! The kids are starting to realllly drive me insane so I'm reallllly looking forward to having 2 full months OFF WORK!! YAY!!!!  I'll be spending ALL day with this little guy....

What Motherhood Means To Me - Guest Post

Hello everyone! Daisy and I have agreed to swap blogs today so if you miss her, go over to my blog "Eat, Pray, Love...LIVE!" to see what she has to say. I'm thankful to her for allowing me to guest post today!

Piper Annabelle & I

Ironically it's Father's Day and I'm going to post about being a mom :) However, my take on motherhood is very different than most. I'm really glad to be able to share it with you.

All my life, I've wanted to be a mom. I used to hide pillows under my clothes, drink "pregnancy water," and pretend to deliver my baby. All while I was in the early years of elementary school. I grew up working with kids in my Church nursery on Wednesday nights, eventually taught at several pre-schools, was a volunteer grief facilitator, and ended my time with kids as a nanny for several families. Caring for children came naturally for me and until the time I was a teenager, I never thought twice about having a potential struggle.

My cycles were virtually non existent. I'd have a period maybe 3 or 4 times a year and when I did, I was doubled over in excruciating pain. Over the years I had to make a visit to the emergency room on a couple occasions. It was hell. I knew something wasn't right and my OBGYN wanted me to just stick with birth control and deal with the problem later. This just didn't sit right with me. So, I was lucky enough to have wonderful insurance and made the decision to go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, a decision I will never forget. At 19, I walked away with news that I probably wouldn't be able to conceive on my own. A few years later, I was finally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (the testing standards had changed). It came as a shock to me, but being that I was 19 and no where near settling down, I trudged on. Going to baby showers was out of the question. I once walked into my then boyfriends house where they were preparing one for a friend, and had an absolute meltdown. Just the idea I could have a massive struggle ahead of me ended up being more than I could bare.

It took me several years of avoidance before I was finally able to let go and let God. Seriously, it was one of THE HARDEST things to do. Once I did let go, I felt an immense sense of relief. That God really did have it under control. 

Flash forward a few years and I fall in love with a soldier. We went to high school together, lost touch, and started talking again before his deployment to Iraq in 2008. We got married quickly and without any tradition (the military way) on New Years Eve 2009. We wanted to start a family right away (again, the military way) so once I was able to re-locate to Fort Hood, TX to be with him, indeed we did. My life started revolving around OPK's and surprisingly enough, after our first time using them...we got this...

Our POSITIVE! OMG. That feeling is one I will never forget. Excited, nervous, scared, happy, bewildered. I had never in my life dreamed I would get that moment. I really didn't. My husband had JUST walked out the door for a 24 hour shift on post when I took the test. All my life I dreamed of how I would tell my husband and doing it on the phone while he was stuck at work was NOT one of them. I was still sitting on the toilet and dialed my best friend. She had a baby already and knew my story. I was speechless and she was thrilled. I later learned this was a big mistake. My husband was not happy she was the first to know. Honest mistake. Anyway, I ran to Target and took another test right there in the bathroom. Positive. WOW. This was really happening. So, I bought some baby goodies, a card, and showed up to my husbands work with this...

A note from baby and I and a cute onesie. He cried. I cried. We hugged. We kissed. We talked plans. He talked to baby. All in the parking lot of his batallion headquarters in Fort Hood, Texas. I drove back home (without him, boo) and I think I could have drove all the way home with my hand on my tummy. I instantly felt incredibly attached to the little speck floating around in my womb.

I could NOT believe this was really happening. All just days before my 25th birthday. On our first try. PERFECT timing for his next deployment, which in the military world is crucial. He'd be there for the entire pregnancy, delivery, and some of the babies first few months. That NEVER happens. AND the babies due date was Thanksgiving. It was too good to be true.

Unfortunately, it really was.

Just two days before my birthday, I had intense back pain. I knew EXACTLY what was happening. I knew if I went to the bathroom, it would be all over. I delayed it. And delayed it. And delayed it some more until I had to go. We rushed to the emergency room and I knew it was all over. My cervix had dilated, my HCG levels were in the single digits, and the baby was gone. I was exhausted from all the physical pain and devastated. 

How could this happen? How could God allow this to happen? Why did I get a few days of sheer bliss only to have it completely taken away from me? And two days before my birthday? 6 weeks from what I thought was going to be my very first Mother's Day?

Even though it happened over a year ago, the pain is still very fresh and very real. Has time healed some of my wounds, sure but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about the fact I should have an infant on my hip. So now, motherhood has taken on a whole new meaning. 

I wear a necklace almost everyday with the initial "J" on it. I chose to name our baby Jayden, after a very meaningful family friend. It's greatly helped me with the healing process. Mother's Day is hard. Baby showers are now doubly hard. Pregnancy announcements from friends are also very hard. Sonogram photos, belly shots, etc. Hard. I do my best to rejoice but for some people, I just can't.

I have met some incredible women who have shared some of my struggles. We consider ourselves mommies, even though we don't have "earth babies" yet. One day we will and in the mean time, I try my hardest to celebrate being given the gift of being pregnant. Even if it was just for a quick moment.

My husband and I ended up separating and subsequently divorcing this year. I know God has a way of looking out for us and perhaps there was a reason I lost the baby. I hate to believe that or even think about that, but I can't swallow it any other way. I know without a doubt I will one day celebrate Mother's Day with a baby in my arms. I know I'll help celebrate Father's Day with an amazing man who deserves every second of that joy. Until then, I keep the faith and know I have an angel baby watching over me each day.

Happy Father's Day!!!

My Daddy and I when I was 2.5 years old!

Happy Father's Day everyone!  Today my post is all about my Daddy!  But since I'm blog swapping for the day....head over to Shannon's blog to read it!!!   Stay tuned for her post as well!!  

PS: I hope next year Ed will get to celebrate Father's Day as a Daddy....

DIY Toddler Room make over - Guest Post

DIY Toddler Bedroom Makeover......

Last summer we moved into a new house and my daughter (a year old at the time) had a blue room in dire need of a girly makeover. It was a blank canvas for me and I ended up spending way more time and money than I intended but it turned out beautiful and it is by far my favorite room in the house! It's a little girl's dream. I have learned home renovation projects always take longer than you think and always cost more than you anticipate, ha ha.

There were a lot of stages involved in transforming this room.

Stage I: Filling, sanding, painting the walls, closet, ceiling, baseboards & crown molding.

Stage II: Taping off all the vertical stripes......painting all the stripes

Stage III: Cutting and Installing the wainscotting and trim

Stage IV: Installing a new light fixture, curtains & home made valance

Stage V: Decorate and enjoy!

Painting Vertical Stripes: There are a lot of tutorial's online for this. I actually just used regular sewing thread, tied a washer to the bottom of the string and then taped the string to the crown molding and let it hang freely down the wall (the weight of the washer will hold the string level). Then I taped down the wall along the line of string with painter's tape. My stripes are 8" apart and I chose to use two shades of green that were consecutive on the color palette for a more suttle effect. Here is just one tutorial on painting vertical stripes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oIblNDh-zs&NR=1

The Valance: I picked up some foam core board at Michael's to make this DIY valance and some pink pre-cut fabric from the Wal-Mart craft section and some cotton batting. It was simple to make. You will need the items listed above, duck tape, scissors, stapler and two safety pins to hang it (as long as it's not too heavy). It cost about $$40 to make and I measured my shape free hand. The inspiration for this valance and the step-by-step to make it can be found here http://littlegreennotebook.blogspot.com/2009/09/easy-pelmet-boxes.html

If you have any questions, you can email me through my blog;

http://twinsandtoddlerchaos-mamacc.blogspot.com/